Today class, we will learn how to let go of our phones
and spend the day with nothing in our hands except air. We will leave our
phones in a secure locked drawer in my desk (me being the teacher and you the
poor pupils with air in your hands) and we will not come back to class for at
least 24 hours. It is advisable for you to contact the 22,000 friends,
relatives and associates on all your social media platforms (and of course
email) and inform them you will not be available for 24 hours. And before
signing off, tell them not to send any cat videos, funny videos of people falling
down stairs, updates on the fall of humanity or
icebergs melting, or links to articles about how eating ice cubes cures cancer.
You will be completely free of all distractions.
Are we ready?!
Now, you might be a little lightheaded as you step out into the world without your phone. That’s ok. It’s to be expected. It’s as if you left one of your hands or eyes or right lung at home. It’s as if you’re walking naked through the streets of nowhere with no clothing store in sight. You have spent too long in the clutches of this evil device and now you’re going to have to find French fries near me with nothing but your nose. That’s right. Go on and smell the grease. It’s two blocks away. And you’ll have none of that old lady who lives in your phone telling you to turn right in 22 feet. What are we imbeciles?! Can’t we find French fries without some old lady in a phone giving directions? And why would we want some old lady in a phone knowing we’re eating French fries at 10 am on a Monday morning. They might tell your parents. We have more dignity than that! Let’s keep our French fry consumption private.
Now as you walk down the street you notice a lot of things (and I mean at least 2) that you never noticed before (or at least before you became one with your phone screen). One of the things you notice (if you’re paying attention and not just daydreaming about French fries) is that there are other people walking on the street. With you. Right next to you. Careful, you don’t want to bump into them. Oh, the humanity. You were so busy looking at cat videos, you never noticed there were other people on the street. You only saw cats in bathing suits, a notification about your friend’s bowel movement at 10:16 am and maybe a map telling you to turn left in 2 feet before hitting a street sign.
Most importantly class, as you walk down the street you will also notice that there are cars in the street. Don’t forget about cars. If you cross the street without thinking of cars you might never get back to class later to retrieve your phone.
Now as you walk down the street with nothing but your naked soul (and a candy bar), you might want to go into a grocery store to buy a potato (maybe you decided to make French fries at home—and if you didn’t know how to make French fries you had to go 16 blocks north to the local library and take out a book on how to make French fries) but as I was saying before I got derailed by your library expedition—when you go into the grocery store what a sight befalls your eyes! There are dogs everywhere. “Wait,” you tell yourself in a low barely audible whisper. “Wait. What are all these dogs doing in the grocery store?” You wonder why you never saw all the dogs in grocery stores before, but it was probably because you were always staring into your phone and having some old lady tell you to turn left at the lettuce.
Yes, as you walk with fresh eyes looking straight ahead (and not into a cat video) a lot of dogs greet you at the grocery store. And what pray tell are these dogs doing at the grocery store? That’s a good question. These dogs are helping people find lettuce and maybe providing furry companionship—and maybe even pooping and peeing in the meat section. Either way, you never expected to see dogs in the detergent aisle. But there they are—big dogs, small dogs, dogs with vests and even dogs smoking pipes and roller skating.
Oh the places you will go and the things you will see as you make your way through the world with your phone locked in a drawer. But don’t worry, the phones are all having a wonderful time together. They’re playing cards and dancing and drinking a lot of Puerto Rican rum.
Thank you for reading, sharing & enjoying.
Your support is greatly appreciated!
☕️ TIP JAR ☕️
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